"I had a colonic," Jackson said, referring to the trendy colon-cleansing therapy that is akin to an extended enema on steroids. "My girlfriend had the bright idea: 'Let's go get your system cleaned out.' It lasted about 45 minutes, and by the end, I (expletive) wanted to cry. Let's just say I got stabbed in the (rear) six times."
- Rams RB Steven Jackson to Michael Silver of Yahoo
It gets so much better though. Not content with revealing the hosing his ass has taken, Jackson goes into detail, along with Girlfriend Supriya Harris. Here are the best quotes of a thoroughly penetrating article:
"My hands were covered in sweat, and the (colon therapist) lady comes in and starts talking my ear off. There's this thin hose-type-thing that you put up there that shoots water into you and sucks everything out, but I had trouble getting it in, and then it kept coming out. The lady had to come back six different times and put it back in there. It was brutal."
- Jackson again
"Trust me, she didn't mind. I was having mine done in the next room, and she kept coming in to tell me how fine he was. I was like, 'Could you please stop hitting on my boyfriend while you're cleaning out my colon?' When we got done and he walked out to the waiting room, I said, 'Steven, are you OK?' He said, 'I don't want to talk about it.' I swear to God, he looked like a kid who'd been in there with R Kelly."
-Supriya Harris
That last quote may force us to go against all prior evidence, and accept that women can be funny in an intentional manner. Despite the sheer horror of making love to a hosepipe, the man known as S-Jax to absolutely nobody seems converted, saying 'Once you get it all out of you, your body feels great. You get a boost of energy, and you feel like you can accomplish anything' Actually, a colonic irrigation company would be a great sponsor for any franchise named 'The Rams'.
Let's just hope Jackson hits the hole slightly better than last year.
No comments:
Post a Comment